“If you were able to read this, maybe, I wasn’t there to see.”

She’s important, but I didn’t know before. She’s a great singer but I didn’t able to hear any. She cared, but I didn’t notice. She had gone so soon but I didn’t have the chance to say goodbye.

7 years ago, I was happy, I loved someone, but she didn’t love me the way I did. There’s this girl, but I didn’t noticed her at all. Yes! She made me happy. She comforted me when I was in pain, when I was in the midst of giving all up. She made me think that there’s this new life waiting for me.

“She’ll realize your worth, if you leave her without her noticing.” she said. “The best way you can do is, turn down all the bad omens you feel and live your life to the fullest.” she added. That was the words I kept for a long time.

She’s special, but I know we’re just friends, she even asked me, “Why don’t you love someone better?” and I just answered her, “no, I can’t, I love her, and I’ll wait.” The moment I stood up and stared at her dreary eyes, I knew she wants me to see her, see her as a person who appreciates me. Even so, I still remained like a statue waiting for my dream girl.

It came the time she got tired of me, she got tired of waiting for me to realize that it’s already done, that, that girl I long to wait will not come anymore. I insisted though, I promised her, “Someday, Emy will come back and I’ll introduce her to you, you could be friends, really good friends.”, but she kept on nodding and she added, “I’m going on my own way right now. I have to learn how to live alone. And I think, I have to see what’s intact for me.”

***

Yes, she’s right, someday I’ll fail, that someday I’ll realize, that everything I’ve done is not enough. I’m a learned person now. I want to see her, to thank her, and to tell stories of the places i saw throughout the years.

“Where can I find Ms. Ran Amifel?” I asked their house care-taker, he said, “Aren’t you so late to ask that question, mister?”

“But why”, “She already left, and this is what she wished me to keep for you.” and then he handed me an old letter, brownish in color like it was really at the age of decomposition. I went home, and I felt something inside me saying I have to read it now. And for the very first time, I peacefully sat on my study table and read the letter. And the moment I opened the envelope, I felt her presence.

***

Dear Mark Heislem,

The moment I met You, I felt it was you that could make my life happy, I was your friend for a long time, I’ve seen you get hurt by the one you love, I’ve seen you wait for her. (For me, it was very touchy) I’m sad whenever I see you blue, But I know whenever Emy smiles at you, you’re already complete. I’m sorry if sometimes I get mad, but I know I seldom do, It’s just that, I can’t help but wonder why on earth would a sweet person like you be ignored by someone you really like. When I left our country for some purposes, I realized that, I just missed comforting my friend, I missed talking to you. I didn’t have the chance to explain why I have to go so early, why did I have to leave all of the happy memories there.

For some reason, I want to be honest with you right at this time. It’s been 3years since I left all there behind. But I think it’s for the better. I was in love with this person, but I know, he doesn’t appreciate me like I’m appreciating him, he is Mark Heislem, I’ve been there for him, been there whenever he’s sad and been there for him while he’s waiting for Emy Lucks. I got tired of waiting for him to notice me though, that’s why I didn’t regret to leave him, because I can’t resist seeing him waiting for someone while I’m waiting for him. But I’m happy for him, I heard that he’s now a successful businessman and that he owns a new big company, I want to send him my gratitude for his lucky life. But it was too late for me. Stage 4, Lung Cancer, I can’t travel anymore. The only chance I’ve got is writing a letter to him, I know it’s so seldom that I send letters to very important people, but today, I have to say all I want, before my illness will swallow me completely.

Mark, Thank you for somehow being there for me, you make me smile and that’s what I remember about you, If you receive this letter, I think you’re now with Emy Lucks, married and a dad of her children. I’m happy for you, but please, will you promise me that you’ll remember a Ran Amifel that was before your best friend. I was mad at you before, because certainly, you didn’t notice that I’m here for you even if you’re not there for me. But still, I can’t blame you. I just have to thank you for this moment, thank you for teaching me how to care for others, for letting me comfort you whenever you’re blue. Thank you because you’re the first and last boy that I took the risk with. I’m already 23years old, but still, I feel like I’m in my 16years of age whenever I think of you, I always giggle and get excited whenever I tell people stories about you, so sad that we have to be apart. I’m wishing you good life and good future. I’m going to be at England for my operation, I wish I could go back after this. Please pardon me on saying that I love you, I know it’ll be the first time you’ll know that I love you and I will always do. Even if I have to bid you goodbyes, please smile and take the rest of your time enjoying what you have right now. We’ll see each other after this, and that I’ll let you invite me in your big office and have a meeting with you. Till next time, my dear cheeks. I’ll write as soon as I got back from England.

P.S:

I hope this won’t be the last letter I’ll be able to send you, but if God is really out when I wished him that I still want to live, maybe, let’s just accept it. And if you were able to read this, maybe, I wasn’t there to see. Till we meet again, my very true friend.
Sincerely giving you all the best wishes that you could ever had, 
Ran Amifel 

***

Knowing that there’s this person that will love me for who I am, I know, we’ll meet again on the place where she is right now, the paradise of those Angels who died with a warm heart and as soon that time comes… I’ll tell her that even if I failed with Emy, I met her and I realize that love can never teach or force you to accept everything, unless you go and understand the flow.