“One thing I’ve learned is that you don’t have to be so attached of anything. You both agreed that you’ll just be partners and that he can see someone and you can do the same…”

Easy? It looks normal to everyone but not until you engaged on it.

 What is Open Relationship?

It is an interpersonal relationship in which the parties want to be together but agree to a form of a non-monogamous relationship. This means that they agree to have intimate relationship with another person. Basically, an open relationship is when two parties involved have two or more romantic relationships occurring at the same time either as a short term relationship, such as dating, or long term relationship.

There are three types of OR.

1. Multi-partner relationships– where a sexual relationship does not occur between all of the parties involved. (It’s like platonic.)
2. Hybrid relationships– when one partner is non-monogamous and the other is monogamous. (This is widely known to the generation Y.)
3. Swinging– in which singles or partners in a committed relationship engage in sexual activities with others as a recreational or social activity. (There goes the friends-with-benefits-thing)

Who gets to have these kinds of relationship and how does it works for two people?

Anyone can, actually. You just have to be in the right stability to engage on it. Why? Because having an open relationship means that you have to accept the fact that Cheating is not a sin anymore.

Sometimes, people think that boys are the only ones who get the benefits of having an OR, but they’re wrong. Some girls who aren’t that good in a normal relationship can play along with this.

Most of my friends are having an open relationship with their partners because it’s their choice, they are too busy in school and doesn’t want to have any problems at all. Being in this kind of relationship entitles you to become less sensitive and more open. If your guy is with someone, you don’t have to be jealous because at the end of the day, you still have him and nothing will ever matter at all.

Most of the people in their 20s are engaging into an Open Relationship just because they are too occupied to care about having a serious one and taking care of it like your pet dog. Am I being silly? No! Not everyone wants to get married in their 20s, there are still people who want to achieve so many things and maybe having a serious commitment to someone can just blunt everything and soon ruin it surprisingly. Who feels unfortunate for those couples who shared their lives together since high school until they finished college and then just broke up because someone cheated or basically the relay is not working anymore? That’s sad, right?

I’m a hypocrite if I tell everyone that I don’t want to have someone who will live with me forever, but I guess that makes me a sissy because I really wanted that kind of relationship. Don’t get me wrong, I tried having an open relationship because I was too occupied to be serious of everything. I assume too much, one thing led to another, that’s what I always think. And basically, I’m not fond of giving someone a second chance, once you blew your chance, that’s it! No return, no exchange.

I was a damn martyr when I was in high school—falling in love with your guy best friend, but he can’t love you back because he thinks you’re just a friend for him, getting betrayed by your girl best friend because your crush courted her instead of you and lastly, you’re hated by someone because people around him spread rumors about you telling everyone that he is your boyfriend already—that made me decide to wrap things up. Don’t trust, don’t give a second chance and don’t ever fall too deep. But still, girls like me get attached whether we like it or not. Some boys are just too intoxicating to resist. I know some are just plain sweet and they’re just giving you too much of a deal.

 5 things you need to remember while you’re in an open relationship.

1. You’re together but not together at the same time.

There will come a time that one of you will meet someone and basically, he will tell you that he wants do date another girl and will offer you the deal that you can date someone else as well.

Platonically speaking, if you’re a normal person with just normal intellectual understanding about those things, you will just break up with him, accusing him that he’s cheating on you.

But in OR, the guy can be non-monogamous while you stay monogamous by choice, although you have to be insensitive about little things like he cannot be with you at your emergency invitation because he might be having dinner already with the second girl. That sucks right? But not when you’re in an open relationship.

I’m very particular when it comes to these kinds. I’ve always been into the Hybrid kind of open relationship. I don’t get attached too much and I’m basically the monogamous one in the relationship. If the guy says he’s with his friends—well, I know he’s just with the new girl he’s dating—I basically just tell him, “Alright. Enjoy your day.”

Every once in a while I get to talk with other guys and simply enjoy their company so much that I get to forget about him but he doesn’t care. We’re nearly acting more than friends and less than lovers. We just want the assurance that there’s this one person who will catch you whenever you fall and someone you can always call in the middle of the night just because you are having nightmares and you want someone to tell you you’re okay.

2. You are not allowed to tell him to do this and do that.

You’re not his mother or even his grandma, so you don’t have to act like one. Just give him a hint that everything should be like this and like that but don’t tell him to change, because change means everything.

You have to accept the fact that he has to do some decisions on his own—not when you’re a real couple right? You both have to be equal about everything—you are there to support whatever he wants, whenever he says it and whoever he chooses.

3. Don’t ever think that your plans will become his plans too.

Planning on a vacation trip next month? Okay, that’s fine, but planning your future with without even thinking about it like it will constantly flow for both of you, that’s precisely wrong. You have to know that it has to be two people deciding on what to do next. You can’t just tell him that you want to marry him and basically he has to be monogamous about it.

Who doesn’t love to have those relationship goals that you see on the internet, right?

4. Remind your friends that you are in an Open relationship.

Basically, not all your friends will know that you are in this kind of relationship until you inform them. Some of your friends will ask you why you are dating this guy and yet nothing so serious is happening—serious I mean, engagement waiting for the next month, marriage plans and moving in with him plans, those kinds of plans that normal couples do—Some of your friends will never understand that arrangement, they will just tell that it is a sick decision and all, but basically they just don’t know what you want.

Apparently, we have the same friends so they know what’s going on between us and yes, they’re the ones who keeps on bugging us to just make everything official than telling them that we’re in a kind of agreement like no one will actually understand.

We tried the whole damn thing, getting serious about it and all, but I cannot blame him for his behavior, he’s non-monogamous and that’s basically his attitude and lifestyle. I don’t have time to just make my world revolve in a very tight relationship just like anyone else. I’m focused with my career and having someone so protective, telling me to stay away from boys and do not talk to them at all is way out of my league—that’s why I did agree on some points to have an open relationship—and there are more reason why we just plainly accepted that we cannot be just like any other normal couple.

5. If you’re feeling possessive of him, then end it before it gets worse.

I’m a simple girl who loves to have a future and he is the same, but the thing is you have to stop when one of you demands something greater than what you’ve agreed.

One way or another, one of you will ask the other to just change the status and get serious about it. Remove the non-monogamy attitude and basically be a normal couple. Remove the ‘goodtime call’ and just stick with one another. (That’s what girls demand most of the time)

What? It’s just simple, if you get jealous of him dating someone and getting mad at him because he’s talking to someone, then something is wrong. You can ask him if he wants to be monogamous but you cannot demand him to become one.

Alright, list down the things that you need and like about him and the relationship. If you question the loyalty of your partner, then you should know that you have to pack your bags and leave because you’re not in the right place anymore. He wants something that you don’t even want yet, then you have to choose, can you do it or can you not? Tell him that you don’t and he’ll compromise if he can. Well, if he can’t then you have to do your next step, ask yourself, can you compromise? If no, just tell him that you can’t keep up anymore and everything will go smoothly.

Ending something doesn’t mean you have to hate each other, c’mon, you basically had him when you’re drooling about this man and he simply tells you “I’ll be okay if you date him.” And he was there when you hated someone you dated and he told you that he’s going to fix everything and you’re basically doing the same.

Having this kind of relationship for 15 months is like having a best friend and a boyfriend at the same time. I don’t have to blame him just because everything about it is getting serious—at first, I don’t want to be attached of everything but in the end, I guess I’m just like any other girls who wants more—and all but everything has their limits and as a girl, I just need an assurance that I will have him with no extra baggage. He wants something that I can’t give and I want something that he cannot give up so basically, that’s it.

One word: Done.